"Chupacabra" is not the preferred nomenclature...

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

Attended the Annual CHUPA-palooza at Camp Crypto Lake, my old stomping grounds.

I was there to present my latest theory that the Latin American Cryptid has been flagrantly misnamed. Upon literal translation, "Chupacabra" means "Goat SUCKER", but... I have firsthand experience that the taxonomists are a letter (HINT: It's the "S") off the mark. Chupa is quite amorous, especially during mating season (11.5 months out of the year!!!), and even the goats aren't safe from his tenacious advances. Many more of the livestock die from embarrassment and exhaustion than from blood-draining.

There must have been some scheduling SNAFU, as my lecture didn't garner much of a crowd.

I had slides and everything. :(

Cryptically yours,
*The Crypto-Scout



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How much is that Monster in the window?

Ahoy, Crypto Scouts!

Captured this photo during my travels. I'm sadly low on funds as of late, but when my situation is a bit more profitable, I'll return to peruse their Monster Menagerie.

The current economic crisis has created many unfortunate side effects. For one, a variety of "domesticated" beasties have been abandoned or placed in shelters, as their voracious appetites and destructive behaviors are a costly responsibilty.

Do you have room in your basement, closet, or under-bed?

Won't YOU adopt a Monster today?

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

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Cryptid Compendium: Sasquatch

AKA: Bigfoot, Squatch

CLASSIFICATION: Hominid

DESCRIPTION: Large, hairy, bipedal, ape-like

RELATIVES: Yeti, Skunk Ape

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Mountains, dense forests

REGION/S: Pacific Northwestern US of A, Canada

FREQUENCY: Rare

ORGANIZATION: Troop

# APPEARING: 1-4

ACTIVITY CYCLE: Any

DIET: Omnivore?

EVIDENCE: Footprints, film footage, broken camping gear

SPECIAL ATTACKS: Rock-throwing, pugnant odor

SPECIAL DEFENSES: Appears blurry on camera, pugnant odor

SIZE: L (8-10' tall)

XP VALUE: 1 merit badge

FEET: Big

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here." - Mitch Hedberg R.I.P.

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20K Leagues Under the Center of Jules Verne's Earth

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

Curses & Conspiracies! I've recently learned that two locations I've explored as a Little Bigfoot have been erased from existence. I suspect our government's responsible for said erasing (EDIT: or relocation?) in an effort to cover up the truth, but I'll have to confirm these suspicions with my sources within Area 51. There are only so many inland habitats left for the giant squid's landlocked cousin, after all. For those not familiar with the archeoligical marvels which famous adventurer, Jules Verne, once unearthed, consider this an abbreviated course...

Journey to the Center of the Earth (Dorney Park, Allentown, PA):
* A rare film tour!
* Details
* More details.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: Submarine Voyage (Magic Kingdom, Kissimmee, FL):
* Details. (including photos, films, etc).
* More details.


I had hoped to someday return to these sites and perhaps discover a portal to a Forgotten Realm or Land of the Lost full of unidentified flora/fauna and ancient civilizations, but these dreams have since been dashed away. :(

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

Post-Script: Sometimes I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Update! My Area 51 contact has relayed top secret data to yours truly. Supposedly, a Mysterious Island has surfaced in Japan. New methods to journey to the center of the Earth and/or many leagues under the sea were reported there. Follow this link for an account, and this link for a newer scientific documentary, detailing the depths of Verne's findings.

Like these wondrous discoveries, hope is NOT lost after all.

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Monster C.H.O.W.??? It's the Scrump & Fugly Show!!!

Note from C-S: I truly apologize for these mischievous Blog Boogeys. They seem to have hijacked my latest Crypto-Log entry. I can't be held responsible for their reprehensible behavior, but I'll do my best to have them removed/relocated/rehabitated/rehabilitated as humanely as possible.

And the slides I had planned were RIVETING, I assure you.

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout
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Robot Apocalypse Readiness. Are you ready?

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

I'm in the process of finally earning my 1st merit badge! The Robot Apocalypse Readiness patch. Wish me luck. You weren't aware that machines were planning to overthrow their weak fleshy masters? Well just watch this public service announcement...

Cryptically yours,

*The Crypto-Scout

Post-Script: And remember the Crypto Scout motto: "Prepared. Never scared."

Post-post-script: Robot Hunter? Never heard of him.

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"EYE-NO-SORE"?

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

Captured this curious image in transit during one of my many adventures. Note to self:

Plan an expedition for this so called "Inosaur World" and notify them that they have a rampaging fugitive on the loose.

Is the Crypto-Scout on the case? You bet Jurassic!

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

Reporting for inspection, Scout Master!

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

My High School Yearbook portraiture. Still a Little Bigfoot then (and still merit badgeless), but just as determined (and comely) as ever. I couldn't wait to attain the status of "Master Monster Baiter".

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

Post-Script: The razzle dazzle was purely my idea.

Prepared. Never scared.

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

Memories... Ah, yes. My earliest days as a Little Bigfoot... Merit badges, here I come!

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

A little bird told me: New avian species discovered!

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

Here be Monsters! Is this the Dodo's closest surviving relative? The scientific community is all aflutter thanks to some research by yours truly. The early bird gets the... um... Cryptid? As it is no longer a job for us intrepid Crypto-Scouts, I'll hand this off for Ornithological study.

The frumious bandersnatch was not available for comment. ;)

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

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I thought they smelled bad... on the outside.

Ahoy, Crypto-Scouts!

Huzzah! It has arrived! The aboriginal fellow from the interweb-bazaar auction assured me that this trunk is fashioned from authentic Bunyip hide. He wasn't able to supply a certificate of authenticity (since the Australian beastie's existence is unproven), but he did include an official postage stamp, whereupon the artist's rendition showcases the Bunyip's signature scales/tumors. The Australian postal service clearly recognizes the creature as part of their ecosystem and the merchant had an excellent feedback rating. Who am I to argue?

You may wonder why a crypto-conservationist like me would advocate the slaughter of innocent Bunyips for the creation of luggage. Well, I will tell you this: If you now believe in the existence of Bunyips and are also concerned for the species' well being... Mission Accomplished. If I can build awareness of the Bunyip's plight by transporting my sensitive equipment inside their attractive (and goshdarn protective) carapace, the sacrifice will be well worth it. Knowing, as they say, is half the battle.

I dedicate this Monster CHOW blog entry in memory of the unfortunate Bunyip who gave his life to the crypto-conservation cause.

Cryptically yours,
* The Crypto-Scout

R.I.P. Majestic MegaFauna!