Saturday, October 24, 2009

When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the strip malls.

Ahoy, Crypto Scouts!

While investigating a reported disturbance, it became eerily clear why a certain "Big Box" electronics retailer is in the process of closing all of their locations. As I witnessed the forces of evil enter and exit, I wondered if the corporation knew beforehand that they had erected every one of their stores directly above a Gateway to Hell (AKA a "HellGate" AKA a "HellMouth")?

What am I saying? Of course they did.

I took a quick look beyond the portal, and came to the realization that even though I was always prepared, I was not THAT prepared to deal with a mass hysteria of this twinkie-analogy-worthy magnitude. As soon as I gather together a special amulet, Van Helsing's diary (cross-referencing the architecture chapter in Tobin's Spirit Guide of course), a virgin to read said diary, and a scary German guy to help with pronunciation, I shall return to banish!

Cryptically yours,
*The Crypto-Scout

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